you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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