i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
