Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
