This dress was meant to end up on your floor
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
