I didn't shave. On purpose
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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