He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
