sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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