need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
