i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
