ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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