i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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