im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
