I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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