Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
