it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
