I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
