Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
