Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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