physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
