I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
