Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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