I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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