How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
