she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
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No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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