What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
