Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
