Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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