Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
