Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
