True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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