Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he just fucked me for my cheese..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
