Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
