He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
