Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
