hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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