i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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