my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
