So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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