Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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