I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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