hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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