Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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