I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
