i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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