i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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