She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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