He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
