I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
