She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
