If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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