I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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