All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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