i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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