if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
