His hands were made for my vagina.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
