I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
