i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
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Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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