You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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