I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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