it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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