She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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