sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
