You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I look better un-naked...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
