Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
