listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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