I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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