If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
one might say we're banned from that church
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
