I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
