Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
MIDGETS
????
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
