She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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