remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
