Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
